Make America Great Again

President Trump ran on the idea that America was great and has fallen a few notches but we can and must rise again and be great again. He won the election because of it.
Some people in this country have doubts about our exceptionalism, but President Trump doesn’t. He knows that we’re the home of the free and the land of the brave. We’re the policemen of the world. We’re the country that the worlds refugees come to for freedom, peace, opportunities and prosperity.
Joe and Jane Six Pack know that, you and I know that, and President Trump knows that. Almost everyone in the corrupt media, the democratic party, and the Trump haters refuse to accept it, and they’re actually ashamed of it.
Most of the refugees of the world try to come to the United States to flee oppression and poverty. Many do go to other countries but if they could come to the US they would. For many years the US was a land where the streets were paved with gold.
Opportunities for everyone existed to come here, get a job, raise a family educate your children and make a stable secure future for your family. We are a great country, we are a super power, we are a land of opportunity and we have the freedoms to do and become whatever you want.
We are a great country, we can be greater. We need political Leaders like Donald Trump. Men and women who have accomplished things in their life and want to give back to America and help us be a great as we can be.
It was never intended for politicians to be professional office holders. Public service should be where good men and women give a few years from their lives to serve their country then go back to their lives.
The Political class feels as they own the agenda and the country goes along to follow their plan, not the plan of the people and the taxpayers.
President Trump is a pathfinder, he’s breaking new ground. He’s a leader who is doing what’s best for the people, the taxpayers, not what the Political Class. The Political Class wants people they can influence in office, people they can manipulate. President Trump wants America to be Great and for the country to work for the people, not the other way around. This country was created for “We the People” not the Political Class.
No one was looking out for the best interests of the taxpayer, until President Trump came into office. That’s why we want him to stay in office.
“We the People” need him.

How to Build Morale

How to Build Morale in an Organization

 

Morale is defined as the confidence, enthusiasm and discipline or a group of people. Morale changes over time. General Eisenhower said of Morale “Morale is born of loyalty, patriotism, discipline, and efficiency, all of which breed confidence in self and in comrades…Morale is at one and the same time the strongest, and the most delicate of growths. It withstands shocks, even disasters of the battlefield, but can be destroyed utterly by favoritism, neglect, or injustice.”

I am struck by the contrast in General Eisenhower’s statement. “It withstands shocks, even disasters of the battlefield, but can be destroyed utterly by favoritism, neglect, or injustice.” Good morale can withstand the horrors of combat, but can’t survive the petty actions of a toxic leader.

A leader builds morale through effective leadership. One of the most important qualities of an effective leader is integrity. Honesty, self-confidence, a sense of fair play, courage, respect and trust are qualities that define the integrity of the leader. A leader who does the right things for the right reasons earns the trust and respect of the team that follows the leader.

A leader who faces pressures to accomplish the mission or achieve objectives and stands tall to achieve the objectives will make a mark on those around them. How and when decisions are made, who does or does not get thrown under a bus, who creates busy work that serves no purpose but adds to someone’s file used for CYA tells a story that leads to good or bad morale.

 

 

This image is my favorite Leadership image. The morale of the 20th Main was excellent. Col. Chamberlain led his regiment in a bayonet charge against armed Confederate soldiers. How do you get followers to charge downhill with what were basically sharp sticks against soldiers shooting bullets? The morale for that unit was established weeks and months before that battle. The leader made decisions and took actions that caused his followers to respect and trust him. There was enough trust and respect that the soldiers were willing to face death on the command of their leader.

Fortunately very few of us have to lead our followers into a dangerous situation that could end in injury or death. How many of us have earned the trust and respect of our followers that if necessary we could lead them into a dangerous situation?

Morale can’t be bought. Smiling, joking, buying donuts or pizza, refusing to initiate discipline, ignoring work rules will not create good morale in your organization. It will earn you the contempt and a loss of confidence from both your seniors, subordinates, and even your peers.

Good Morale doesn’t happen overnight, but bad morale can develop overnight. Followers are fickle, you can lose whatever trust and respect you built up very quickly if they question your integrity. One positive occurrence will not create a sense of confidence, enthusiasm and discipline that is Good Morale, but one act of favoritism, neglect, or injustice can create bad morale in a group led by an ineffective leader.

It takes time to earn the trust and respect of the people you lead. It requires multiple occurrences of an effective leader doing the right thing for the right reason to build the confidence, enthusiasm and discipline. When you sprinkle in an occasional act of favoritism, neglect, or injustice, all the Good Will and Good Morale earned over time will run down the drain when you approve Suzy Sunshine for a day off when you already refused Rotten Johnnie the same day off.

Integrity means you are fair and consistent. Integrity means you do not hide or misrepresent the truth. Integrity means you are proud of your actions and have nothing to hide. Do the right things for the right reasons and you earn trust and respect.

We do not live in a black and white world, there are many grey areas. Rotten Johnnie came back an hour late from lunch. He provided a lame excuse that turned out to be a lie. This is also the third time he returned late from lunch. Suzy Sunshine came back an hour late from lunch, but it was her first time being late and she fell asleep in the break room because she was up late last night because her husband was in a hospital after surgery.

Both employees committed identical offenses with different circumstances. Over time this situation occurs occasionally. How this situation fits with the previous situations will add or subtract from the trust and respect earned. With progressive discipline Suzy Sunshine may only receive a warning, with zero tolerance she may receive the full discipline required. Fair and constant treatment of all occurrences will build the story of the leader.

Most of the team will want to see Rotten Johnnie get all the discipline he deserves and most of the team will not want to see Suzy Sunshine pay the price of a rare infraction for her. Time and consistency will tell the story.

The trust, respect, and confidence the followers have in the leader will determine if the group has Good or Bad morale.

We all take hits and bruises as we perform the duties of a leader. Make sure those hits and bruises are on the front of you not the back of you. Lead your team and stand between them and any and all ugly personalities that are in your organization. We all have toxic leaders that we have to deal with. Face them and protect your team as well as you can from the effects of the toxic leaders. Followers respect their leader when they see them as a protector and a fighter.

We all want to be led by someone who is competent and strong. None of us want to be led by the person who just threw one of our peers under a bus.

Morale is a function of the courage of the leader. Morale is a measure of the integrity of the leader. Morale is determined by the consistency and transparency of the leader.

 

Appreciation

Appreciation is defined by Merriam Webster as a feeling of expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude. Appreciation is something you feel within yourself as you work with others. Leaders are required to get things done through others. The leader should appreciate the team that does the job the leader is responsible for. 

The task is to dig a ditch that’s three feet deep, six feet long, and one foot wide. When someone hands you a shovel and says “dig a ditch!” you aren’t a leader you’re a ditch digger.

When someone directs you and your team to dig a ditch, and you direct a part of your team to dig the ditch to the specifications listed and the crew successfully completes the task, you’re a leader of an effective team. 

Assuming that this isn’t your first day as this team’s leader, and this isn’t the first task your team has been tasked to complete a lot has happened to build the dynamic between you and your team. 

You’ve established yourself as the authority figure of the team. You’ve taken charge by being there and making decisions, setting goals, and expectations, and leading the team toward those goals and expectations.

The team looks to you as their leader because they’ve come to rely on you for direction and decisions. Situations come up that call for the leader to take action and as their leader you’ve done what was required. A leader does the right thing for the right reasons every time the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes the right thing to do is difficult or painful, but it has to be done. Sometimes the right thing will cause one or more members of the team to be disappointed or angry at you, but you still do the right things, and that’s why you do them, because they are the right things to do. 

It’s not a popularity contest, it’s the role of leader. The team will trust and respect their leader when, over time the leader demonstrates the ability to face a difficult challenge successfully and get the right results.

Very few people want to be led by someone like Eddie Haskell, insincere smile, false praise, and a deceptive nature. That kind of a leader will always fail. Wearing a false face never inspires trust or respect. 

Most people want to be led by a strong leader who understands how a team works together and achieves results. Over time the leader who does the right things for the right reasons will earn the trust and respect of the team. 

As time has passed and the team is comfortable with their leader, the task is identified and the team understands the task; dig a ditch that’s three feet deep, six feet long, and one foot wide. As other tasks presented themselves in the past the team has learned that the task requirements are clear and nonnegotiable. 

Individual members of the team perform their role as expected until the task is complete. The leader monitors the performance of the team and makes comments or adjustments as needed until the standards have been met. 

There is now a ditch to the stated standards where it’s expected to be. A major part of the task is complete. The task is usually the easy part; the leadership of the team is where many have problems. 

All day every day the team is assigned tasks and the tasks are completed. One way or another someone will gather the data based on the completed tasks and measure the team’s performance. Effective leaders pay attention to the data, they also pay attention to the team. 

Data tells a story about performance. Performance is a big part of the leader’s responsibilities. Performance is a direct result of the leadership of the team leader. A leader who fails to lead the team loses a certain amount of performance.

Teams want to be led by a competent leader, someone who is comfortable in the role of leader, someone who gets results from the team and stands up for the team when that becomes necessary.

In the environment described above the team consist of ditch diggers, ditch measurers, and waste material movers. Ditches are usually dug outside in good, bad, and indifferent weather. Digging ditches is usually dirty heavy work. Professional ditch diggers are frequently not happy about the job they have. Inspiring and motivating a team of ditch diggers is a challenge. One simple thing to do to motivate ditch diggers is to show your appreciation for your team.

Digging ditches in the bright humid sunshine is hard to do all day. A leader who is in the bright sun with the team while digging the ditches shows appreciation. A sincere understanding of the conditions that difficult jobs are performed under also show that the leader appreciates the ditch digging team.

Being present and accessible to the people who do the tasks shows that the leader appreciates them. A smile and a thank you on occasion shows sincere appreciation. A positive attitude sets the tone for the team. The key is sincere appreciation, not forced mechanical signs of appreciation, they are phony and seen as phony by everyone exposed to them.

Hard working people want to be recognized for the hard work that they do. Recognize the hard work that they do and they will continue to work hard and care about the job they do. There’s a straight line from the hard work that the team does and the successful completion of the teams tasks and objectives. It’s clear and obvious, don’t miss it. Show that you recognize it.

A big part of leadership is being there. See and be seen. Cheerlead the individuals on the team as they’re doing their job. The failure of the team to meet the standards set by the leader is the failure of the leader not the team. The standards were communicated effectively, not measured properly, or the standards have not been a relevant factor in performance for a while. Standards are a critical factor in completing any task and the leader sets the tone and the standards.

The leader must own the standards and objectively measure performance against the standards, this will insure a consistent level of performance for the team.

Senior leadership will frequently fail to show appreciation for the hard work and effort provided by the organization. This is felt by subordinate leaders and team members throughout the organization. This is NOT an excuse for subordinate leaders to ignore the efforts by the team. Get past your own misery and hurt feelings and lift up your team’s spirits by showing them that you care. Show them that they’re led by an effective leader even if you are not let by a competent leader.

Do NOT allow your boss’s failure to become your failure too.

The Cowboy Code

As I’m getting older I’ve been reading westerns, especially those written by Louis L’Amour. Cowboys and Cowgirls lived good decent lives. And they lived by a simple code that guided them through life:

The Cowboy Code

• Live each day with courage • Ride for the brand • When you make a promise, keep it • Your word is your bond • When your friends are in trouble run towards them not away from them • Talk less and say more • Remember that some things are not for sale • Take pride on your work • Do what has to be done

Let’s look at these one at a time and relate them to effective Leadership.

Live each day with courage. In our daily lives we rarely have to face physical danger, but we frequently have to face professional danger. We have to have the courage to face those we lead and live the life we expect them to live. When we set high expectations for them we must meet those same expectations. When a difficult personality enters our work area, we must place ourselves between the team we lead and the difficult personality. We must show courage when someone makes a verbal attack against our team, we must stand tall and defend the team in a loud clear voice. We must show the courage of our convictions, when we speak we must say what we mean and act by what we said. We must stand by whet we said and not change our positions just because the wind starts to blow from another direction.

Ride for the brand means that you’re loyal to your organization, the brand identified who owned the cattle. When you rode for the brand you felt an obligation to support your organization, your team, in every way possible. Loyalty and respect for your organization and the other members of that organization. Loyalty and trust are important at home and in public. Weak leaders rarely ride for the brand; they ride for whoever makes the best promise or offers the least conflict. Effective leaders demonstrate clearly that they are proud to be a part of the team and they want to be associated with the team and every member of it.

When you make a promise, keep it. Your word is your bond. How simple is this to live up to? When you say something, do what you say. You said it in public to people who trust you, doing what you say should be an easy thing to live up to. Representing yourself as a decent hard working member of the team should make it easy to do what you promised. Do what you said you would do, every time, no exceptions. I can forgive stupid; I won’t forgive disloyal or untrustworthy. Your reputation and credibility are built on your past actions. Lie to me today, and then try to sell your lie as a practical application of your public efforts on the team’s behalf is a just another lie and will be seen as a lie by those who expect you to live by the code.

When your friends are in trouble run towards them not away from them personally and professionally stand by your family and friends. Stand by your family and friends no matter what. Friends and family make mistakes, sometimes serious mistakes, as far down as they go they need friends and family to help pick them up when they stumble. Friends do define you, but we can’t control the actions of our friends and we can’t choose our family. You don’t have to condone what they did wrong, but you can stand by them to help them get right after they fall. Run towards them never away from them. I won’t respect a fair weather friend; anyone who turns against you for standing by a friend in deep deep trouble isn’t worth keeping with you. Do the right things regardless of what some people think.

Talk less and say more is good advice for everyone. The words spoken by a person in a position of authority have much more impact than the words of someone not in a leadership position. Avoid the use of weasel words that hint toward an answer but leaves the door open to interpretation. Live by the words you use. Speak clearly and be decisive. Frequently a simple yes or no is the correct answer, sometimes the situation prevents you from answering at all, then be very clear that you cannot answer that question at this time. Honesty will be respected even if does not provide the information that was requested.

Remember that some things are not for sale. This should be obvious, but from what we’ve seen with some leaders some of us need a reminder. Your word is your bond, when you make a promise you keep it, the respect and loyalty you are expected to have for the members of your team requires that you are fair and consistent with them. Don’t let your position change and have it appear you sold something that should not be sold. What you sold was the trust that your team had in you and their respect for you as a man or a woman.

Take pride on your work, be proud of who you are and who you represent. You’re riding for your brand and you should be proud that you team has the trust and respect in you that you earned by doing the right things for the right reasons. Do the job with pride and stand by your words. Make them proud that you are their leader. Be proud and show them that you are proud to be a part of their team.

Do what has to be done. Some jobs are difficult and some cause you to get beaten and bruised along the way. Do what has to be done and do it well. Do the right thing for the right reasons no matter what. You may have to take some lumps as you do the right thing, but do it and do it right. Make the team proud that they have you as their leader. . If you have to take some lumps and bruises along the way make sure they are on the front of you, not on your back. Get hurt going towards the danger not running away from it.

If you want to be an effective leader, Cowboy up and ride for your brand!!

Gino DiCostanzo

Self Confidence

 

You must have faith in yourself. If you believe you’re good at your job then you probably are. Your ability to accomplish what’s expected of you starts with your faith in yourself. This only works if you have a clear understanding of what’s expected of you. When you became a supervisor, or accepted the job you now have, someone should have explained to you what your responsibilities are. It’s easier to feel good about your performance if you know what’s expected of you. As you go about your daily routine, and you know what you should be doing, then it’s easier to KNOW that you’re doing a good job. Success builds on success. When you have a good day today, and you get to go home feeling good about your performance, it makes coming in tomorrow to have another good day easier.

You need to get feedback from the person you report to. He or she may or may not be good at providing this feedback. The perception of your performance that your boss has of you should not be a surprise. If it’s not clear based on their interaction with you, and you want to know, then ask. “Hey boss how am I doing?” You may be creating an uncomfortable situation for you boss, but if you are that’s their problem, not yours.

An Effective Supervisor will let those reporting to him know how well they’re performing on a regular basis. This does not mean that there’s a formal performance review daily, but there is regular feedback that’s an honest reflection of their performance. If you as a supervisor discover that you must sit an employee down and inform them of their shortcomings, and they’re surprised at what they hear, then you have failed repeatedly over time to provide that employee with your perception that they’re not living up to your expectations. That individual has failed you and you have failed them. Effective Supervision requires that you observe how members of your work group perform their jobs. When you notice, an employee doing a good job, let them know they are doing a good job. When you see, an employee doing something that’s wrong or bad or not as good as it could be, let them know it. Look, observe, process, and communicate. Part of your day must include being part of the activities of the members of your work group. As you are with them, look to see what they are doing. Observe what is happening through direct and indirect means. The information that you collect through this process, must be processed in your mind. Finally, you need to take what you have processed and communicate it to the members of your work group.

Regular feedback from a senior to a subordinate is necessary to maximize performance. This feedback reinforces the individual’s self-confidence, and the quality of the performance of the team.

These are the two key elements that are necessary for a supervisor and a subordinate. A clear understanding of the expectations with regular and honest feedback. Together this leads to exceptional performance and from exceptional performance you improve your self-confidence.

The most common problem for new supervisors is insecurity. Low self-confidence leads to hesitation and to inaction. A strong supervisor earns the trust and respect of the team by doing the right things for the right reasons, you can’t do that is you are unsure of yourself.

The more you believe in yourself the sooner your team will trust and respect you!

 

 

 

The Cowboy Code

The Cowboy Code

 

As I’m getting older I’ve been reading westerns, especially those written by Louis L’Amour. Cowboys and Cowgirls lived good decent lives. And they lived by a simple code that guided them through life:

• Live each day with courage
• Ride for the brand
• When you make a promise, keep it
• Your word is your bond
• When your friends are in trouble run towards them not away from them
• Talk less and say more
• Remember that some things are not for sale
• Take pride on your work
• Do what has to be done

 

Let’s look at these one at a time and relate them to our elected officials.

Live each day with courage. Our elected empty suits could really be effective if they lived by this. What kind of courage do they need? I want to see them demonstrate the courage to live by what they promised those who voted for them and especially for those who are paying taxes. I want to see them demonstrate the courage of their own convictions. When they speak I want them to say what they mean and what they believe and then live and act by those beliefs. Say what you mean and live by what you said, don’t change your position when you speak to different groups or when your handlers tell you to change what you believe.

Ride for the brand means that you’re loyal to your organization, the brand identified who owned the cattle. When you rode for the brand you felt an obligation to support your organization in every way possible. Loyalty and respect for your organization and the other members of that organization. Loyalty and trust are important at home and in public. Elected empty suits rarely ride for the brand; they ride for the highest bidder. Not necessarily for a crude cash payment to buy their vote, but by adjusting their position on a topic to adjust their vote in ways that don’t support or defend what they said when they were running for office. The tax payers and voters in their districts are their brand, they must show loyalty and respect to their brand.

When you make a promise, keep it. Your word is your bond. How simple is this to live up to? When you say something to get elected, do what you say. You said it in public to people who trust you, doing what you say should be an easy thing to live up to. Representing yourself as a decent hard working representative of the taxpaying public should make it easy to do what you promised. Do what you said you would do, every time, no exceptions. I can forgive stupid; I won’t forgive disloyal or untrustworthy.

Your reputation and credibility are built on your past actions. Lie to me today, and then try to sell your lie as a practical application of your public efforts on the tax payer’s behalf is a lie and will be seen as a lie by those who expect you to live by the code.

When your friends are in trouble run towards them not away from them. Personally and professionally stand by your family and friends. Stand by your family and friends no matter what. Friends and family make mistakes, sometimes serious mistakes, as far down as they go they need friends and family to help pick them up when they stumble. Friends do define you, but we can’t control the actions of our friends and we can’t choose our family. You don’t have to condone what they did wrong, but you can stand by them to help them get right after they fall. Run towards them never away from them. I won’t vote for a fair weather friend, anyone who turns against you for standing by a friend in deep deep trouble isn’t worth keeping with you. Do the right things regardless of what some people think.

Talk less and say more is good advice for everyone. Elected empty suits can learn from this. Most questions can be answered by a few simple words. Long multisyllabic responses to simple questions are a clear sign you’re lying. Most responses should be yes, no, I won’t do that ever, or I will do that every time I get a chance. A longer response only sets you up for an opportunity to do something different after you’re in office.

Remember that some things are not for sale. This should be obvious, but from what we’ve seen with elected officials they obviously need a reminder. Your word is your bond, when you make a promise you keep it, the respect and loyalty you are expected to have for the tax payers and voters who put their trust in you should be enough to keep you as an elected official to be your own man or woman while in office. Party leaders, campaign contributors, wealthy people in your district who want something special, which may not be in line with the position you took while campaigning for office. Don’t let your position change and have it appear you sold something that should not be sold. What you sold was the trust the tax payers had in you and their respect for you as a man or a woman.

Take pride on your work, be proud of who you are and who you represent. You’re riding for your brand and you should be proud that your friends and neighbors trusted you to represent their best interests. You should be proud that they trust and respect you. Do the job with pride and stand by your words. Make them proud that they voted for you. The tax payers in your district are paying for what you’re voting for, the voters in your district voted for you. Not all voters are tax payers, take care of your tax payers as well as your voters, but make sure you are mindful of the burden you’re placing on the tax payers.

Do what has to be done. Some jobs are difficult and some cause you to get beaten and bruised along the way. Do what has to be done and do it well. Do the right thing for the right reasons no matter what. You may have to take some lumps as you do the right thing, but do it and do it right. Make the tax payers who voted for you proud that they voted for you. If you have to take some lumps and bruises along the way make sure they are on the front of you, not on your back. Get hurt going towards the danger not running away from it.

If you want my vote, Cowboy up and ride for your brand!!

Self-Awareness and Self-Regard

Self-Awareness and Self-Regard

 Emotional intelligence (EQ) is basically the ability to understand your own feelings. It also offers insight into how emotions influence motivation and the behavior of others. The most basic principle in EQ is the ability to recognize your own emotions This is called self-awareness. Self-regard is the understanding for or consideration of your own interests.

Recognizing and understanding the emotions that you come in contact with is not as easy as it sounds. Everyone reacts differently to the stimuli around them, as you see and hear a senior member of your organization make an outburst that is more a reflection of their anger and frustration to a situation, you may experience it as failure of that senior member to react and act professionally and productively to a situation in the work place. The person next to you may see it as a stressful event that causes them to feel stress and anxiety.

We all have the ability to see, hear and make observations, but like Sherlock Holms we don’t all observe with the level of detail that came so easily to him. Many people will see that as another outburst where the boss got angry and everyone around will have to pay the price. You may see that as evidence that the boss can’t recognize the emotions around him and then can’t regulate or control his reaction to the situation around him. They see it as a situation that calls for fear and anxiety but you see it as an opportunity to excel. There is a problem, it has to be fixed or solved, you can make a contribution to solution of the problem or you can be intimidated by the ugly behaviors of the difficult people around you.

Before we go any further I want to stress an important point. Let’s not be naïve, the chances of you being recognized or rewarded for identifying and correcting or solving the problem is slim. The same personalities that react to difficult situations with ugly outburst, don’t always highlight the hard work of their subordinates. This would be a case of you doing the right thing for the right reason and suffering the consequences of that action.

Some may see that as a pessimistic view of the work place, but I like to think of it as true observation of the work places I’ve been exposed to. Let’s understand reality and work within it. Difficult people get into senior leadership positions, they frequently get there through the hard work and achievements of subordinates. It’s not right but it happens. Don’t ever let that be the reason that you don’t do the right things for the right reasons. Your own self-respect and self-regard are at stake here.

To be self-aware you must be perceptive and you must process the emotions around you. Understand what those around you are going through. Your advantage is that you can see, feel, and understand it and control yourself without the knee jerk reaction to the stimuli. As you are aware of what’s happening react in a controlled way in your own best interests, your self-regard. There is nothing wrong with a selfish motive when you’re working with others. If the situation is in a lifeboat and there is one glass of water, your selfish motive for the water before grandma gets hers is wrong, but in the work place to process an ugly outburst by the boss in your own best interests is not wrong.

Do the right things for the right reasons every time you have the chance. Maintain an even temper when those around you are far from even tempered. Control and manage your emptions when you are faced with difficult personalities. These are difficult to achieve unless you focus on your own self-regard. Your own best interest to do your job well and feel good about your performance is the most important element of your job.

Being recognized for your hard work and your positive achievements will always be farther down the list of priorities. A difficult boss will rarely if ever recognize your hard work and achievements, but many of your peers and subordinates will. Peers and subordinates are more important than your boss.

Be self-aware and regulate your reactions to the emotions around you and stay focused on yourself regard for yourself. It the right thing to do and you will always sleep better at night.

 

 

 

It’s about them it’s not about you

It’s about them it’s not about you

Too often, too many of us are faced with a situation in the workplace that is unbearable. Stress, tension, friction a negative atmosphere, none of us deserve to be in that situation. Almost all of the stress we suffer at work doesn’t come from the job itself, it comes from the people we work with.

When dealing with difficult people we have to remember that it’s them, it’s not us. Feelings and emotions are contagious, when you are with people who are full of fun and having a great time, you feel the same good feelings that they’re feeling. When you’re with someone who is negative or irritable then you either feel their bad mood or you suppress your own good feelings.

Leaders need to maintain a positive attitude even when it’s difficult to be positive. No one has ever achieved any goal with the attitude that they can’t make it happen. Leaders have to maintain the positive attitude to inspire and motivate their team to work hard and work together to make it happen, whatever it may be.

Individuals work better when they enjoy their job and feel that they are appreciated for the work that they do. Individuals must feel like they can make things happen, they must feel that their hard work is important.

Many leaders don’t understand this and don’t make the effort to present a positive environment for their team to work in. Many leaders feel that they as the leader are the most important element of the team. They see themselves as the center of the world and the team exists to make the leader shine. A leadership position is a selfless position, to do it right you have to always put your team first. Too many leaders don’t realize that, they can’t see the team as being as important as the leader is.

Too many people in the workplace bring their misery from home into the workplace. They irritations frustrations, and the negative moods from outside the workplace come into the workplace and radiate out to everyone around them.

Feelings and emotions are contagious; they are all around us. All of us must be self-aware and understand the emotions we are exposed to at all times. We must also be able to control how we absorb the emotions around us. The negative feelings and emotions around us are them, not us. The problems and miseries that they bring into the work place are theirs to process and deal with. Its all about them, it’s not about us.

If we have high enough EQ, emotional intelligence, we can read them and their moods, we can recognize that they are going through a difficult period, we can even offer to help by providing an ear to let them vent. Frequently that’s all some people need to get past the trial they are going through. That’s a positive step that any of us would take for one of our team mates. Lending an ear, allowing a colleague to vent and get some of their miseries off their chest is an act of good will, what goes around comes around. Be kind to others and someone will be kind to you in return at some point in the future.

Never let that kind act bury you in the pain and negative emotions that the other person is suffering. Remember that it’s them and not you. They have the problems and they need to vent. Don’t accept their burdens.

Leaders, team mates, friends all need a shoulder to cry on sometimes, there is nothing wrong with providing the shoulder. Don’t inherit their bad moods. Make your own positive moods especially when those around you are filled with gloom and doom.

It really is all about them and not you. Their bad moods or bad behaviors are about them and their wants and needs. You and the team you are part of do not have to be swallowed by their negativity. Make it about you and about your team, make your own sunny day in spite of the thunderstorms around you.

 

Narcissistic Leaders and Me

Narcissistic Leaders and Me

 

Wikepedia defines a

“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a Cluster B personality disorder in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and to others in the process. It is estimated that this condition affects one percent of the population, with rates greater for men, First formulated in 1968, NPD was historically called megalomania, and is a form of severe egocentrism and People who are diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration, but lack feelings of empathy”

 

Psychology Today says this about Narcissism

“Narcissists cut a wide, swashbuckling figure through the world.  At one end of the self-loving spectrum is the charismatic leader with an excess of charm, who’s only vice may be his or her inflated amour-propre (Feelings of excessive pride, conceit, self-love, vanity). At the far end of the spectrum reside individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, whose grandiosity soars to such heights that they are manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright.”

The Mayo Clinic says this about narcissism

“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and disappointed when you’re not given the special favors or admiration you believe you deserve. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.”

The common elements here are that a narcissistic personality has a very high opinion of themselves. I believe that an effective leader has to have a great deal of self-confidence, how far apart is a great deal of self-confidence and an inflated sense of their own importance. Trust and belief in yourself and your own abilities can over time lead to a sense that you are confident and self-aware of your consistent success and you become excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity.

Learning that you are good at your job and then experience an amount of success, and finally achieving promotion and status, can lead to being excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity.

Notice how some of the negative qualities of a Narcissistic Leader are similar to the positive qualities of an Effective Leader. An effective leader has a great deal of self-confidence, an effective leader is persuasive and can be charming in their approach. Many narcissists are also charming and persuasive, if in a heavy handed way. The move from an effective leader to a narcissistic leader happens over time. We must all be aware of it and guard against it.

The narcissist stands out with their fragile self-esteem, their complete lack of empathy, and their constant need for admiration and respect. Trust and respect are earned through effective interaction with your team. You can’t force it, and that frustrates Narcissistic leaders.

Too many of the personalities we have to work with in the work place display narcissist qualities and spread tension, fear, and venom throughout the work place. From my experience I believe the narcissist do not recognize those qualities in themselves.

I wish I had a magic wand that would fix the narcissists we work with, but I don’t. The best I think we can do is understand what causes the problem and how we can survive in that environment.

There are a number of reasons why some people get promoted and placed in positions of responsibility. They may not be the strongest leaders who know how to build and maintain the best teams. They may not be the best leaders who inspire and motivate subordinates to meet and exceed goals and objectives. They may even have difficult personalities that spread tension and stress throughout the organization.

An excellent article called “Narcissism and Toxic Leaders” by Lieutenant Colonel Joe Doty and Master Sergeant Jeff Fenlason, US Army offers an excellent analysis what narcissism is and how that turns into Toxic Leaders. Their article identifies signs of narcissistic leaders:

• Being a poor listener
• Being overly sensitive to criticism
• Taking advantage of others to achieve one’s own goals
• Lacking empathy or disregarding the feelings of others
• Having excessive feelings of self-importance (arrogance)
• Exaggerating achievements or talents
• Needing constant attention and admiration
• Reacting to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
• Being preoccupied with success or power

 

Some of the time the individuals with narcissistic personalities do have some skills and abilities that helped them get recognized and promoted, and some were selected for promotion for the wrong reasons. We have choices to make when we are exposed to any difficult personality. We can fight, we can bend, or we can run.

There are different levels of fighting, and different reasons to fight. We all have to pick our battles and our battlefields. Difficult personalities, toxic leaders, bullies, etc. are difficult to deal with most of the time, but they are present in the work place and we have to work with them. A full head to head attack against a difficult personality will rarely come to a satisfactory outcome. As individuals we have to manage our emotions and minimize conflict, we have to protect those who follow us from the negative impact of the narcissistic leader. Engage them, talk to them, ask them questions, keep them occupied and away from your subordinates as well as you can.

There will be times when you must challenge them. We all have lines in the sand that we will NOT allow anyone to cross. We must stand on that line and as professionally as possible we must not let the Narcissistic leader cross. We must be professional and strong, a shouting match or a shoving match would be the wrong thing to get into. A professional persuasive argument will usually work. If not, then make your stand and do your best, but some battles we will lose. Depending on the circumstances and the stakes involved each of us has to make a decision on how far to push, how far to resist.

Effective Leaders do the right things for the right reasons. Effective leaders earn the trust and respect of their team because of this. Effective leaders who are subordinate to Narcissistic leaders will not always win, but the trust and respect they earn from their team will not diminish when losing a battle against a narcissistic leader. Draw your lines in the sand, make your stand and fight the good fight, just make sure the bruises are on the front of you not on your back. Lose the fight if you must, but make the stand and take whatever lumps and bruises go with it.

There are far more Narcissistic and Toxic leaders in the work place than any of us want to see. We have to be able to recognize them and coexist with them. We cannot do battle with all of them and rid the workplace of them. What we can do is to be effective at our jobs in spite of them, and protect are teams from the worst of their bad behaviors. Usually we come out unscathed when challenging them and sometimes we don’t. These are personal choices we make based on the situation and the stakes involved.

One last word on the topic comes from the Dalai Lama,

“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

 

Gino DiCostanzo

Challenge or Condone

Challenge or Condone

 What you don’t challenge you condone. As a supervisor when you observe something that you feel should be corrected or improved you must challenge it. How do you challenge a performance issue? Your observation has identified some form of performance or behavior that must be corrected or improved. Your role as a supervisor is to make observations and insure everything that should be done is being done properly. When you challenge someone’s poor performance or bad behavior you want it to be a positive exchange. You want to instruct them as well as sell your point of view. No matter how correct you may be when you challenge their performance, it will have little value if you don’t sell your point well enough for the individual to accept it and choose to learn it.

The individual who is the subject of the challenge may be an excellent performer or a poor performer. They may be a frequent disciplinary problem or an exceptional performer who has a momentary lapse. Regardless of the individual’s pedigree this has to be a positive exchange. Your goal is to make a long term permanent fix to a performance or disciplinary event.

Approach the individual as though they are one of the best assets in the group. Show them respect and praise for their work. Some individuals have fragile egos and any correction will usually be met with a defensive attitude. An effective supervisor will not allow the defensive posture to get in the way. Start out with praise of the individual. “I was watching you as you completed that task, you did an excellent job. There is a way you can improve on what you did.” And then go ahead and explain what they did wrong and how they can improve.  Your objective is to put the individual at ease, make them feel good about themselves and their performance, and most importantly to correct the bad performance or behavior.

There is nothing wrong with stroking their ego. There is nothing wrong with offering praise that they didn’t deserve. You’re selling a correction to a behavior you want to improve or change. You identify the change and you have to get them to buy into it. They’ll be more likely to accept the correction or improvement if you praise their efforts than if you chastise them for their poor performance. You will get a better result if you approach it as “You did a great job! Let me show you one way you can improve your performance.” than if you challenge their competence or ability. Respect is a two way street, you have to give it if you expect to earn it in return.

Teaching and training is a sales job, that the student has to buy into for the learning to be effective. Along with the instruction, you have to get acceptance and agreement. This challenge to their performance has to be a positive exchange, not a negative one. You made a decision to challenge their performance because you cannot condone it. That’s a positive step in your role as an effective supervisor, now you have to sell your correction to someone who is probably not as receptive to your correction as you would want them to be.

To effectively challenge performance you must be a coach, a cheerleader and a instructor as well as an effective supervisor. As you demonstrate and improve their performance, you must also praise their efforts. You must stroke their performance, and make them feel good about the job they do. They may or may not deserve the praise you give them, but it opens a door to the acceptance that’s necessary for the instruction and training. It’s an essential element for the long term positive effect of the correction. An effective leader motivates those who are led. When you reinforce their perception that they are performing well you will get a better result than when you’re required to correct a performance or disciplinary issues with progressive discipline. The attempts to train, instruct, correct, or modify are critical steps to take prior to the use of formal disciplinary action.

No one should be exposed to formal discipline without the opportunity to correct or improve their performance. Leaders maximize the performance of their work group by setting an standard and assisting everyone to meet or exceed that standard. Observing, training, correcting, and motivating are skills leaders should exercise far more often than formal disciplinary action.

When you observe behavior or performance that you cannot accept, you must challenge it. Observing performance or behavior creates an obligation for a supervisor to react. It become a go, no go situation. The work group is aware that you have observed a performance or a behavior. A failure to correct it or challenge it is a loud statement that you accept and encourage more of the same.

Challenge or condone, Your actions as a leader speak loudly, your inaction speaks louder.